Today and Tomorrow

"I'm doomed to want things that aren't things," Ofelia Hunt writes in Today and Tomorrow.

There are plety of things that aren't things in the book. Actually, there isn't anything that is something. There is only ever nothing. Lisbon, New Mexico, Bill Murray are like mantras that are not real that get said to placate reality.

Ofelia Hunt, if she existed, wrote something about metaphor and meaning. She hates them. Metaphors are fake things because they make everything more meaningful than it is. And meaning is meaningless unless it is a lie. And a lie is a metaphor for things that aren't true. And so on.

I felt more strongly about some parts of the novel than others. I wasn't sure about the thin man. And at certain points as it went along it felt more arbitrary than necessary. In her blog, Ofelia often says that she writes and rewrites. And usually that editing process is obvious with precise word choice. But in her novel, she seems to get away from that process. Just a rush of words, a waterfall of sentences. Sometimes.

I felt overwhelmed by it. I wanted to stuff it all inside my brain, but it wouldn't fit. I tried to make a flow chart, but everything flowed into everything else and then into nothing and then into a trash can.

A lot of other reviews like to give a little plot outline about the things that puport to happen in the novel. They are wrong. The trick of the book is to create something out of nothing and vice-versa.

Pain

I like Ofelia's description of this cover.

Ninjas

The ninja untied his shoes so fast. The ninja slipped through the door crack and kicked off his slippers. The ninja opened and closed the door so fast it was like he had walked through it, not even a click was allowed to escape from the lock slipping back into its bolt.

Words Replacing Words Replacing Words

Kenneth Koch (whom Ofelia called the Kurt Vonnegut of poetry) wrote a poem, "The Brassiere Factory" and then Ofelia replaced some of the words in it to make "Government Film Society, or Something," of which I have replaced some of the words.


"One Whore Moans Best"

Is Grover meant to be a flaming gay, he, Liam,
Warmed by a moral waffle zebra, 40 tunes and
Emotional pitchers swamp of soda! Eyes washer and only
If beasts would kink undo Zorro's fine ass
Unto the halo zamfir often armoire
Canned amoebas slain
Icky albumen
Or an age off humble oaken incest shat
The water's gross butt-white buff, a low wand
Thin a shunned erection ass 'til
4 hours can wide owls, eels, with our licker?
And yell, "Ow!" aches
Staring lightweight foiled zebra farts on you
Offer tits and pies
Alms and our mural
One whore moans best hammered us
Undewed bent harmed bike locks
Width uses daiquiris my sheen gums and dicing thick anglers
Anklers show deli tightful bust ill warfield always
Undo dun bear hair or plain
4 hallways now and riots full of sheepless thistle taste
Them ill attendants chained dwarf angers top oops and
Eye pun is head of ewe euphoria chew chimp
Fort anchors amp crop abscess gout murderess lies in thermal
Underwear then unfill mustard thick radon
The air swims purring total
Lie prone upon the shit
Warmed by our mortal wealth-themed deities
Intoned a hefty beau cherry
And food stank stops for wearing on both breasts Mabeline

Ofelia Should Return My Emails

I don't know who Pirooz Kalayeh is, but he got to interview Ms. Hunt. She has still not returned any of my emails.

He says that her stories "weld together reality and interior examinations." Is that true?

OH says she's interested in lying: "I want my characters to also lie in this way," i.e., in a way that is elaborate and convincing.

She refers to Stephen Dixon, who, ok I get it, is an inspiration and someone I should read.

She talks about the "attempt to get to that level of concentration where writing is very easy and enjoyable." There is nothing more frustrating than not being at that place and trying to ge there. Because then writing becomes impossibly painful.

"I think [it is a distraction] when the sentences consistently have too many words." This is something I've probably utmostly admired about Ofelia, her exactitude in word usage.

"I feel like there is no truth and that all people create their own truth through some kind of personal perception, frame of reference, context etc..." This is almost exactly the idea behind my story, "Maybe Maybe."

We're so alike, Ofelia.

Review of Reviews

Ofelia has reviewed 31 books on Goodreads. I was kind of curious what books she liked and maybe she would say how they influenced her or whatever. So I read her reviews. I'd read 9 of the books she reviewed. Some of her descriptions of books made me want to read them, like What's for Dinner by James Schuyler, The Second Marriage by Frederick Barthelme, Frances Johnson by Stacey Levine, and My Life by Anton Chekhov.

She said that Vacation by Deb Olin Unferth was her favorite book the year she read it and made her write Vacation imitation stories, which means now I'm going to have to read it and see if that's true. "Understanding things is delusional or something," she wrote about Moon Deluxe by Frederick Barthelme, which is something Ofelia seems to want to foster through her own stories.

I think I've tried reading Stephen Dixon before unsuccessfully. But Ofelia seems to really like him. "Stephen Dixon can write how I think," she says.

Poems That Have the Word Poem in the Title Poem

Poems that have the word "poem" in the title are what?
I'm not really even sure what a manatee is.
In other poems and/or stories, Ofelia Hunt mentions:
Dolphins, elephants, whales, seals and penguins.
Maybe a manatee is a combination of these.
I feel like maybe it is Ofelia's mission
To keep writing until every word
Is cross-referenced in every other
Story/poem of hers.

A Contemplation of Words

This poem has these words.


"Don't" - well, that's 2 words, isn't it, mushed together. do - action,
                 to make an act, factually. not - the opposite of that.
                 taken together = to keep from doing an action, being
                 still or dormant, deadlike

"rob" - that's like stealing, but more precisely, maybe needing a
             weapon, but isn't that armed robbery?

"the" - article (not of clothing) denoting particulation or
             specification

"bank" - money-putting place, or side of river


"From" - ok, so that's a preposition, to me it indicates a reverse
                movement, receding away. "used as a function word
                to indicate the starting or focal point of an activity"
                ~ Merriam Webster

"here" - the point or place where one is, any location designated
               by the positioning of the person of reference

"to" - homynym of either 2 or, also, too. the expanse of
           juxtaposing positions, transitioning between

"somewhere" - a vague locale, nonspecific, perhaps unknown

"else" - as opposed to this one; other


"My" - yours, if you were speaking. belonging to the owner of
              this word

"eventual" - wait for it, it hasn't happened yet, but it is going to.
                       future tense of "event"

"bloodless" - no blood, whatever that is. the lack or absence of
                         a thing called blood

"coup" - eg: de ville = not. "a highly, successful, unexpected, act,
                or move; a clever action or accomplishment"
                 ~ dictionary.com


"I" - the person who is speaking, first person singular, presumably
         the author, or some other unknown I (you? me?)

"have" - to be in possession of, to own, to be holding

"a" - this article is one but not specifically

"monocle" - it literally means "one eye," so it could mean cycloptic.
                      but typically refers to a single eye glass worn by
                      fancy pants in the 1800's and Planters Peanut's
                      mascot, Mr. Peanut.


"Smash" - onomatopoeic word for the sound of one hand clapping
                    if it is made of glass

"them" - those other guys

"onto" - kind of like this: an arching arrow with the tip pointing
               down at a flat plane

"windshields" - typically of a car, being the front glass acting
                             as a shield against not only wind but also
                             insects and other potential objects that would
                             otherwise smash into the driver's face.


But then I read what Amber wrote and thought, "oh, shit, me too."

I am Five (#6)

I think there is something about writing more than one story in which certain facts overlap but other facts do not. Ofelia writes about Madison again.

[This is one exhibit of why I think maybe Ofelia is a candy nihilist. She writes about making a boat out of the bones and what-not of a sunbathing lady.]

I think, I think by writing certain things repeatedly, it is assimilating the aspect of fact. So that fact and fiction rub against each other like sexy kittens. One is a cat and one is a fat man dressed in a cat costume.

Or, maybe these things actually happened or are real. There is no symbolism or intention only pure unexpurgated confession. These are the things that happened. This is how they happened. I-5 is not a metaphor, it's a fucking highway.

Expert Hunter

"Sometimes I talk to comfort people," Ofelia writes in "I Take His Picture."

I want to be the foremost Ofelia Hunt scholar. I want people to come to me to ask for elucidation upon texts. I want to be her expert.

I want to know what Ofelia is thinking when she sits down to write a story about killing her brother and boyfriend (not the same person). Even if they aren't her brother or boyfriend.

She thinks, "I am going to write a story."

There are a million stories that could be written. I've written some of them. Ofelia's written some of them. But now she must write another one. Sometimes she writes to comfort people. But now she wants people to be uncomfortable. She wants them to be dead.

She thinks about how you take a shot with a camera but also a gun. You take a picture and you take a life. She thinks about the things that someone might expect her to write about photography and brothers and boyfriends and guns. She writes those things, but also other unexpected things. She writes about the blown-away bits of her brother and the parts of her body where they might end up. I don't know why.

Pop Poetry

Things that are specific make things that are absurd more so. Which is why OH's poems (and others who do this same sort of thing) drop pop culture references like Warhol. And things that are cruel make things that are nice better. And I don't know, something about irony, unless it is not ironic.

Die, Chotomies!

There are all sorts of dichotomies in ""Eat or die" is only an unpleasant threat." There is candy and there is destruction. There is love but also confusion. Prison and Safeway. Eating or dying. What's the difference or significance of apples vs. coconuts. Do you know? Lettuce vs. spinach. Disapproval vs. approbation. The flesh of hands but being oversized and machine-like. "I didn't like being in prison but I lifted weights a lot." What do the dichotomies mean? What does it mean that the last sentence is "I don't know what I mean"?

Baby Quiz

Baby Quiz

1. Name another work of Ophelia's having anything at all to do with babies.

2. Is the lung gray or black?

3. Is the lung a baby or vice-versa?

4. Is the baby a stomach?

5. Why was the baby bleeding?

6. Who is Simon?

True or False:

Babies come from stomachs.

Babies are like meat.

"I Will Video Myself Watching Myself Write This Poem" is a funny poem

"I Will Video Myself Watching Myself Write This Poem" is a funny poem.


"I did not shop on Black Friday" is funny because you're supposed to. "Because little boys would trample me" is funny because they are little boys but they are trampling. "For VCRs at Best Buy" is funny because what year was this written. The XX has a funny song called "VCR" which is funny because they were born after the VCR was extinct. I don't know when Ofelia was born. "I would hamstring these boys" is funny because I like ham. I had a ham sandwich for lunch. Also violence against children is funny. "Then tear their throats out and scream" see? "Until they became zombies" used to be funny but is not as funny as it used to be. "And lurched toward me" is funny because the word "lurch" is funny. It is a portmanteau of lean, burp and crouch. "Through the strip-mall shopping center" might not be funny. If it is funny, it has something to do with "strip-mall." That could be funny. "I would scream and run very fast" is not funny. "And trip over somebody's parents" is very funny. "And the zombies would slowly feast on my blood" is funny even if zombies aren't as funny anymore. It's still funny that they do everything slowly, even feast. "I knew all this would happen" is almost funny. "So I went to Denny's with my boyfriend instead" is funny because Denny's is funny. "For pancakes and coffee" is hysterical. "And we saw Tom Cruise and his baby" is uncomfortably funny. "And I stole his baby I told the baby" is increasingly discomfortably funny. Not funnier, but less comfortable. ""You are important you are a terrorist" is not funny because it is the truth. "Because one baby is like any other baby" is not funny as it was the first time I'd read it in something else by Ofelia. "And baby terrorists are more effective" is not funny again, less funny because we already know that. "Than non-baby terrorists" is actually kind of funny. "But the baby cried for a while" is funny because I hate babies. "So we left it in a bed of lettuce at Safeway" is really really really funny. "And Tom Cruise became a zombie" is not funny because it is true. "And feasted on our blood" is moderately funny. "But I filmed him and black-mailed him" is building up to being funny. "And now I'm on cable television" is the funniest.

Whales Comma Elephants

Reynard Seifert (I think) said about the story, "The Whales and Elephants Were Happier When," that "the style's pleasant and it leaves so much room open yet it gives me the images I need to feel like I'm unwrapping a candy bar..." in his blog Music for Books.
It made me sad a little bit thinking about the pieces of Stanley and the parents being paid to sit in offices. And how quietly it moves forward and up ladders.

Critical Analysis of a Story

I went to quizzo on Sunday night. There were eight people on my team so they deducted two points from us. We lost by two points.

When I came home it was only midnight-something so I read a story by Ofelia called "Request" or something.

The first word of the story was "Wal-Mart?"

When I was a teenager I worked at Wal-Mart. It wasn't my first job. I worked at a cash register where they kept track of how fast you rang people up. I found that if I signed off and on and off and on, my score would go up. Like a video game.

They moved me out into the parking lot where there was a bunch of overstock merchandise nobody wanted. I didn't do anything for hours at a time.

There is a girl named Madison in the story and I have a sister named Madison. Madison has brown hair and brown eyes. In the story or in my family?

There are white tips of Converses and Converses do have white tips. Some people write words on the white tips. Other people write other things which are not words. I never wrote either words or not words on my Converses because the tips of mine were black.

The "I" character of a story is not necessarily or usually the author. "I explain this to Madison," the "I" character says or is written by Ofelia Hunt. Did she?

There is a man in a blue vest in the story, which is factually accurate for someone working at Wal-Mart. I owned a blue vest, or one was given to me. I also had a name tag that was clipped to the vest. It had my name typed on it in capital letters. When Ofelia writes, "'My name’s George.' George points to the name tag on his blue vest," she knows it is true. The name on the tag was "GEORGE," even though the story doesn't say that.

I had a friend in high school who never went into a Wal-Mart without stealing a tie. He had a lot of ties.

Madison asked if Wal-Mart has pornography. It doesn't. Or, not the one I worked at. Later, when I worked at Starbucks, some female employees got in trouble for posing for Playboy in their uniforms.

Things start getting weird, in case you didn't think there had been anything weird about the story so far. They talk about closet people who might get stabbed with sticks. The closet people are a theme. They recur.

The first time I read this story, something reminded me of a story by Lindsay Hunter but I can't remember what it was or what story. No, I just remembered. It was the thing about the penis. I think the story was called "Peggy's Brother," but I could be wrong.

Some other things happen, but I don't feel like it's the happening that is important. I stopped working at Wal-Mart. I stopped working at Starbucks. I started writing stories. But my stories were never like this story. In this story, like Ofelia's other stories, every word is, if not perfect, perfectly placed.

In her blog, she writes: "As I write a story, I must constantly edit the story. To write anything new, I have to read through everything I've written before, make little changes, and finally add a paragraph or two before I quit. This is taking for-fucking-ever."

I like it when George talks about whether or not the dirt pile is combustible. I wonder if it was. I used to try to figure out which of my household liquids were flammable. Packing peanuts are. They melt and shrivel.

Today I Read 5

I am reading these poems right now as I am writing this, writing and reading at the same time. With my right eye I read about spilt milk and with the left eye I see a spelling mistake I made. I think that these five poems are somehow related to each other, to me. Like maybe a third cousin. "Devour," "Torn," and "Explode" are words from the titles of the poems that support my thesis. "Message," and "Little" are words that might not support my thesis, but certainly don't contradict it. Ofelia's breasts are caterpillars, she says, and she says that her lungs are tiny like little cyborgs, and she says she says that her bones are full of milk and that her quadriceps are torn and her fingers are spare. And I am writing that she wrote that.

4 poems

I like Ofelia's stories better than her poems. Why? I don't know. Maybe I just don't get poetry. That's ridiculous. Well, what then? Surely it has nothing to do with the poems. You're here to laud her work, not disparage it. Oh, no. No no no no no. Definitely not disparage. It's me. It's my fault. I bear the blame of not getting her poems. Every nuance and insinuation.

here is a haiku:
Ofelia Hunt's
Four poems on two websites
Will destroy you

The poems are found in Apocryphal Text (1&2) and Dusie (3&4).

1. "When I'm alone I listen to the radio because there're human-beings there and I/ can feel them radiating around me." This makes me sad and reminds me of some of her other stories in which characters listen to the radio. The radio is sad especially talk radio or stations on the right side of the dial that have too much DJ shout-outs or too many commercials that talk so fast you don't want to know what they are saying but you wish that they intended you to hear it without getting some kind of awful headache. But I guess it is the sound of voices, of other larynxes and esophagi making noises in the cold dark night of your sad and isolated existence that make you want to turn the radio on even if it is only for that, even if it is especially for that.

2. "I'd only destroy" See what I'm taking about when I call her work candy nihilism? Candy that tastes like fried chicken.

3. The comfort of everything contained in self-accomodating that-which-goes-with-you in the face of the end of everything that is comfortable.

4. I think it has something to do with her bikini tan line and a rage that will never go out.

Ofelia Hunt

I discovered Ofelia a few months ago perusing the backwaters of online literary zinedom. I found her in a website called Bear Parade.

She has a collection of stories there called My Eventual Bloodless Coup which is exactly like J.D. Salinger's Nine Stories in the fact that there are nine of them.

I've dubbed Ofelia's writing "candy nihilism" because, although she is sweet, she is also destructive. She tends to write about unhappy relationships and hurting people. But in a nice way.  "I don't think that the little children are thinking about anything because all little children are selfish nihilists because they just want to have fun all the time and ignore the world and drink soda and eat candy, which is why the world is meaningless and boring and stupid." ("I Want the Glass Panel Tinted")

Here are some notes I took while reading My Eventual Bloodless Coup.

"Don't Slide the Couches" - mother's peg leg. recants and negations.

"I Want the Glass Panel Tinted" - "I don't necessarily want to remove these pieces of myself." things about nihilism = soda + candy.

"The Refrigerator Divides Also" - breathing/ not breathing/ air molecules in a refrigerator. "Nobody tells me what to do."

"I Am Happy Today, I Think" - more things about communism. eating peanut butter. "I stepped into a puddle." more Pepsi product placement. the reduction of consumerism to an equivalent transaction of products for currency. is Safeway a pun/metaphor?

"It Is Flat There and You Will Be Happier" - more things about happiness: the desire for lack of desire, flatness, swimming penguins, going to the bathroom, cleanliness, the radio, commercials for wine, windows, waving, ice cream.

"Quietly" - kissing after cutting off cat heads. she writes the word "tongue" as if she had one. kittens as a symbol of something.

"Penguins Swim Around" - more things about zoos, penguins, hondas, npr, i think there is something about being normal in the face of adversity.

"One Baby is Like Any Other Baby" - more things about boyfriends. leather = animal skin. more rain. this time commercials on the radio are sad. "sporadic clumps." the name Christopher Walken ten times. sex in a movie theater? the f word. being kidnapped again but not being a kid. is a burlap bag the same thing as a canvas sack?

"The Room is Full of Me" - "Chris says 'I don't understand.'" why doesn't she ever like the person? lurid brow. i think about the fact that she is sitting on the toilet too much. i wonder if the phrase "I should be disqualified as a human being" is inspired by No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai? "I feel alternately like an alien and like a robot."