Monday, December 8, 2008

How to Marry a Millionaire

Here are some good ideas for marrying to a millionaire (in no particular order):

1.) change your name from something normal to something elegant
2.) pose nude in Playboy
3.) date a baseball player
4.) have an affair with a president
5.) be a movie star
6.) overdose on drugs

Hey, it worked for Marilyn Monroe. Or not. Well, at least she was able to steal the spotlight from Lauren Bacall and get herself on the dvd cover even though she wasn’t the star. Way to go, Marilyn!
Anyways, H2MaM has two openings, neither of which have anything to do with the movie.
The first is a six minute scene of the orchestra playing the opening sequence which is kind of like how in Space Camp when Dire Straits’ “Walk of Life” is playing and it turns out to be Tom Skerrit listening to it on the radio. When the orchestra started playing the second song, I swear I said, “You’ve got to be kidding me” out loud to my empty apartment.
The second, slightly more relevant opening is an elegy to New York, like the openings of On the Town or Manhattan.
But then the movie decides to get started with a Don Rickles-looking real estate agent selling Lauren Bacall an apartment which she and two of her ding-bat girlfriends (Marilyn Monroe and Betty Grable) will use as their bear-hunting grounds.
They are gold diggers looking to marry a millionaire.
Of course, because they are girls and not too smart and because Marilyn wears glasses (“You know what they say about girls who wear glasses”), they end up falling for the wrong guys.
Even Lauren Bacall, the smart one, ends up in love with a guy she calls a hamburger-pusher.
But they are in love and they’ve learned their lesson: money isn’t everything. And everyone lives happily ever after!

PS: the hamburger pusher really is a millionaire!

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